My Heart
Posted on September 5, 2011
I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about my littles. So, here goes the first one. This is a peek into my life.
Blunt honesty-
They carry my heart wherever they go. If they get hurt, I hurt. If they are happy it makes my heart happy. They melt me, in more ways than one. Sometimes it’s the kind when they do something so very sweet for one another that it just makes you melt, or the way they look at you with such trust in thinking that you know every answer to every question; all 1,704 questions a day. Or sometimes I melt in the kind of way that makes it sometimes a bit hard to get myself back into “mama” form. Like when they make me want to pluck their little ears off because they weren’t using them, or because they are in a phase that is hard to break them of, that makes me want to pull my hair out. However they make me melt, I treasure it. I will look back on it one day and laugh at the little things they did, good, not so good, funny, naughty and just plain out annoying. Oh admit it, I know there are sometimes when you think, that your child has done something annoying. They all do it!
I am trying to constantly remember just how little they are. Sometimes I forget this; especially if and when I am stressed over my work load. My fuse unfortunately becomes shortened and I hate that. When you are with them 24/7 sometimes we tend to need a break from each other. Me from them and them from me. I think it’s just a fact of life; and it’s good for them as well as me.
God told me several years ago that He wanted me to home-school. Years upon years ago, I used to swear I would never home-school, and that I would keep my kids in public school. As I’ve said before, God has one MASSIVE sense of humor. I rebelled and went along with public school. But first here is a little bit of background leading up to homeschooling, bear with me, you will enjoy it. I know, home-school is not for everyone. But I wanted to share our story of how we got here as many people have asked this very question.
B and A were both in preschool at a wonderful wonderful church school. They loved it and we loved it. As B was to move on to Kindergarten I struggled over what to do. I felt a pull to make a change with what we were doing and move Avery to another preschool. I had no good reason other than God told me to, and He led us to a real angel named Elaine. She had a preschool called Woodland Creek Academy. This was a preschool that when you walked in, you were home. It was held in an old 1800′s home on the historical register. It was beautiful. I fell in love with it, not only with the home but the people, the teachers, and especially Elaine. She offered programs for toddler’s through kindergarten. The thought crossed my mind to put both B and A with Mrs. Elaine. Again, I didn’t listen and I went ahead and put B in another church Kindergarten program knowing he wasn’t ready for full day kindergarten at public school, and put A in Woodland Creek in the 3 year old program. In my way of thinking I just thought B needed to be in a “bigger” setting with more children and a more “school-y” feeling-kind-of-kindergarten to prepare him for “big school”, public school. This is where he played baseball as well, so he did have friends from his ball team in his class. We still play ball at this church and LOVE it. It is a wonderful program that I can’t say enough good things about! Now, it was great where he was, and again God put more families that home-school in my path; but I’m just not so sure it was for B. I didn’t realize it until after the fact though.
It came time for kindergarten graduation and my heart ached that B would be going to school all day long. I continued on and ignored all the people in my life that God had put there who were home-school families. He had been showing me home-school was the way to go, WAY before B was even a thought, before I had even met my husband. I was introduced to a family at church who needed a sitter for their two children. They were a home-school family and I would babysit for them quite often. This was the first of many families God was showing me. I also have someone who I look at as a sister, I love her as a sister and she is SO much like me. I grew up with her and her sister and her mom was my second mom. Cathy, my “sister friend” also would “babysit” for me and her sister, Cindy when we were in elementary school. Cathy’s mom, “Aunt Martha” as I called her and still do, kept me everyday until my mom would pick me up after work. I love them and they are family. Cathy was the next person who was a constant in my life who began to home-school after we were grown. I thought it was great and every home-school family I interacted with I knew I loved them and there was just something special God was showing me. Then when B was a baby, we got involved with a stupid decision on our part but obviously one that God intended for us to do, but we didn’t succeed at it, instead we failed miserably. It was called Herbal Life. It just wasn’t for us. However, the lady who we signed up under had two children who were home-schooled. Here was another peek into what God wanted us to do. It became something that was constantly put in front of us. Home-school families right and left. You would think we would have payed attention. (must be where my kids get it from). I could tell you of MANY many other families but it would end up being a novel. So. . .
. . .don’t forget to: ”Listen for God’s voice in everything you do and everywhere you go; He’s the one that will keep you on track.” Proverbs 3:6
Kindergarten graduation came and went. I enrolled B in public school. I was VERY hesitant and just didn’t want to for some reason. But I did. First grade. He was in public school. Avery was still at Woodland creek which was now called Union Grove after God decided to move the school down the road to a wonderful little church. I was noticing that this school, Union Grove was instilling things in my daughter that were never instilled in my son at preschool or kindergarten, or first grade so far. Elaine was using a completely different kind of learning style called Charlotte Mason and it is indeed a home-school type of curriculum and learning I had heard of years before when I taught preschool. Avery was learning by leaps and bounds, playing, gardening, cooking, reading the bible, learning sign language, and enjoying every minute of school. She gained a thirst for learning. Learning on her own track in her own time with no rush and no pressure. B on the other hand, was struggling. I was struggling. I wanted him to love school. But, his spirit was slowing being crushed. He was a different boy, not my happy B. By the time he got home from school it was getting late, he was tired, and still had homework to do. He wanted to run and play and I wanted him to run and play, but we had to sit and do homework. It was then dinner time and it was almost time to go to bed and start all over again. Blah.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
It was heartbreaking. He would cry not wanting to go to school. He would say he was sick on test days. He was exhausted after the first half of the school year. He was getting sick all the time. God was tugging so hard at me still. I began researching day and night and reading everything I could about home-school. I always said I wouldn’t do it. But, here I was making plans to home-school after rebelling and not listening to God for many years. I pulled him out after sticking out the whole first grade year. I was sure I was doing the right thing and God has now shown me that I am. This has been the best decision we have ever made even though I refused to listen for so many years.
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9:8
I am constantly reminded that I am doing the right thing and I am constantly rewarded not only by the joys of my children enjoying learning things and playing as they do so. I am not only rewarded in seeing them succeed but in the reassuring love of God that I am doing what he wanted all along. I have had SO much fun watching him learn last year and learning along with him too! This year A is home with us doing first grade. M is still at Union Grove, which will always hold a special place in my heart and so will the people there. I will forever be involved with Union Grove even when my kids are too old to go there. Elaine is an angel here on earth impacting the lives of many families and children in her care.
After that long winded story that I had no idea where it was going here is my Heart in three different places:
